Notice There Are No "How To Please Your Prince" Articles

Wow. It's been almost a whole month since I posted! Sorry!
The Royal Community College where I attend princess classes has got me super busy. No time for parties even!
I did, however, manage to get a little bit of princesscapades into my mundane school work.
I had to create a mock magazine cover for a graphic design class. Had to pick a target audience, make up article titles, set a price and take a picture.

My target audience is the fairytale princess and the price is 4 magic beans. Here's what I came up with (though saving it in jpeg format seems to have altered my colors somehow):


I hope I at least get points for a creative idea. The instructor always warns us not to do our projects last minute but I do anyway. I wonder if I would do it ahead of time if he told us to wait 'til the last minute....

I Need A Car With Built-In Cupcake Holders

I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but I stuffed my face at this last party.
It was an extra long one (hour and half) and as usual, in my rush to transform into a princess, I forgot to eat.

Now, piggin' out at a party is extremely unprincess-like, so here's how I'm justifying it:

1. I was not impersonating Winnie the Pooh, therefore my tummy is not allowed to be rumbly.
2. They offered it to me! It'd be rude to refuse. Very unlady like.
3. My wig might fall off if I passed out from hunger (which I'm known to do). This would scar the children for life and must be avoided at all costs.
4. They had mini sandwiches shaped like shoes. Shoes! It would be out of character for Cinderella to decline shoe sandwiches.
5. Because the little girls kept bringing them to me, no one really noticed just how many shoe shaped sandwiches I actually ate...
6. I'm a princess! I eat what I wants, when I wants! RAWR!

The occasional face-stuffing aside, it also seems to be customary for the hosts to send me off with "one for the road". I often end up driving home gingerly holding a pink cupcake with sparkly sprinkles. And while this is not really a fair substitute for a tip, it makes me just as happy.

Did Anyone Notice This on Their Own?

Since nothing really exciting has happened on the party front, I'll share an interesting little tidbit the internet told me about.

According to IMDB, the waltzing scene at the end of Beauty and the Beast is not only similar to the waltzing scene at the end of Sleepy Beauty, it's IDENTICAL. Apparently they were running out of production time and sort of drew over Princess Aurora and her beloved Prince Phillip.

Take a look for yourself:

Sleeping Beauty


Beauty and the Beast


Even the songs are similar! Oh well, guess you gotta do what you gotta do to meet that deadline!



Though, it appears that this wasn't an isolated occurrence:


I guess they figured no one would notice these things. Clearly they didn't count on how much time people would have on their hands. Or websites like Totallylookslike.com.

If She Doesn’t Scare You, No Evil Thing Will

There was a woman at my latest party who looked shockingly similar to Cruella de Vil from Disney's 101 Dalmatians.

While technically it would have been in character for Ariel to react adversely to a Disney villain, I felt it would have been out of place at a 2 year old's birthday to shout "Puppy Killer!" at the poor girl's Auntie.

Instead I spent the rest of the party with her theme song playing in my head.

I Used to Think There Was a Real Vault Somewhere Full of Disney Movies. It Was My El Dorado.

Beauty and the Beast is coming out of the Disney vault! That means you can buy the DVD new instead of buying it used on eBay or illegally downloading it *cough cough*. And of course it’s for a limited time only, so better hurry!! Because, you know, you’ll NEVER be able to buy the Beauty and the Beast DVD ANYWHERE, EVER so you HAVE to get it now!!! Quick, before it goes back in the vault!!!

If that’s not enticing enough, Disney is also releasing it in what they call the “Diamond Edition” (Oooo, how pretty). Sounds fancy pants and prestigious, but really, it’s just the Blu-ray version. They did a little digital restoration to it too. It did come out almost 20 years ago. Does that make anyone else feel old? I saw it in theaters! Good Lord.

To be honest though, Beauty and the Beast was actually a really well done movie, with beautiful imagery (think of the ballroom scene) and great art so I bet it’d be worth at least WATCHING it on blu-ray.

Princess Ditzerlla

Graceful is one of the first adjectives used to described a princess, but one of the last I’d use to describe me.

Example:
I got of the car at a recent party (as Belle) and stepped on the edge of my big hooped petticoat, causing it to come undone and fall to the ground in a heap under my dress.
I already had an audience so I couldn’t re-clasp it, as doing so meant I would flash all of them and it was not the appropriate audience for that type of behavior.
So I had to spend the whole party shuffling around holding onto my petticoat for dear life, lest I accidentally step out of it and leave a pile of satin and crinoline in the middle of their floor…

Needless to say, it was a very awkward party.

This was also the party I was 30 minutes late to because I don’t know my way around my own town.

I Wonder if She Gets A Lot of Speeding Tickets

As I’ve mentioned, my biggest obstacle in terms of keeping the illusion alive is the subject of transportation. The most common question I get from these curious little girls is, “how did you get to the party?”. Having once made the mistake of saying “a car”, I now just make something up about a magical invisible carriage. Cars are just not magical enough for a princess and no little girl would expect a beautiful sparkling princess to arrive in a boring old Nissan with a cracked windshield and months of bird poo decorating the hood.

Well, maybe one little girl.

As I was leaving my latest party as Cinderella, I was remarking to myself that I still hadn’t gotten the inevitable question. However, it was clear I wouldn’t get off scot-free though, when I looked down at the birthday girl and saw her scanning the line of cars parked outside her house. I could see the question forming in her mind and out it came,
“Cinderella, which car is yours?”

I looked at her, startled, trying to discern if it was a clever trap or not. A scene quickly played out in my head where I obediently pointed to my beat up sedan and the little princess suddenly screamed, “AhHA! I knew you weren’t the REAL Cinderella! You played right into my trap!”. And my cover would be blown.

So instead I spouted off about invisible carriages, gave a look to the Dad, who knowingly smiled, announced it was cupcake time and ushered the little ones back inside so I could make a clean escape.

But as I walked to my invisible pumpkin carriage and waved to the curious neighbors, I had to wonder: what on Earth gave that little girl the idea that Cinderella drives a car?

I Need to Just Start Letting Satellites and Computerized British Voices Tell Me Where to Go

I always find it amazing how quickly I can end up in the middle of damn nowhere when driving to some of the more rural parties.

I find it even more amazing that the party I got lost on the way to and arrived a half hour late was the one that was right down the road from my house.

Curiosity Killed the Cat

I’m going to start chronicling all the questions I get that I have to answer on the fly. For entertainment, and to help me remember which answers worked and which didn’t.

#1 How to explain away Ariel’s “dress”:

Q: “If you got legs at the end, why do you have a tail now?”
A: “It’s not a tail, it’s a dress. I miss having a tail so I like to wear dresses that remind me of being a mermaid!”

Why Do Sleeping Beauty and Mulan Get to Keep Both of Theirs?

Got the most awkward question today: “Belle, where is your Mom?”
Partying it up in Heaven with all the other Disney mothers, kid.

Oh Brother

In a two-for-one kind of deal, The Skeptic at this last party also doubled as The Brother character.

He was hesitant to greet me and address me as Princess Belle. He also had no qualms about voicing his disbelief of my past when I was reading the Beauty and the Beast story. He asked, “Did you REALLY do all that?” and squinted at me accusingly. Of course I did! Look, there are pictures right here of me talking to a dresser and drinking out of an enchanted tea cup! There was even a movie about it! Duh! (I said all that in one word! “Yes.”)

He also had reservations about me reading my own story and seemed to think it was a little self-centered of me, which I didn’t help by telling him it was my favorite. I mean, it does have far-off places, daring sword fights, magic spells and a prince in disguise! ;)

I gotta give him props though. As doubtful as he was, he was sly about it and never spilled to beans to his little sister and her friends.

Still, he didn’t quite know how to act around me. It’s an odd confusion I see in a lot of kids at these parties. He was mature enough to think twice about this woman in a big dress who calls herself a princess, but also couldn’t (or wasn’t ready to) detach from the childish fantasy of it all. Can’t really blame him for wanting to keep that kind magic in his life. What I wouldn’t give to be 4 again and not be concerned with jobs that suck, cars that break down, and boyfriends that cheat on you! But to instead focus on princesses that fall in love, pumpkin’s that turn into carriages and princes that break spells with kisses. Sigh.

All that loveliness aside, it’s clear the 4-year-old Princess does have at least one major thing to worry about: The Brother. The Brother at the previous party staged a pirate attack on us, and this past lead a one man military ambush on me and my entourage during our “Princess Parade”. Neither were successful encounters for the boys (One little girl told me, “Hang on Belle, the machine gun is back”, and motioned for me to stay put while they chased him off!). Clearly pirates and army men are no match for princesses!
What do older brothers have against princesses anyway?

Word Around the Water Cooler Is That’s Not Ariel’s Real Haircolor

Sometimes at these parties I struggle to get through the story during storytime. The girls like to interrupt to point out favorite characters and parts of the story. This is more true with the younger ones of course. I’ve decided that with the littler ones, it’s more fun to just flip through the book and look at the pictures. It’s actually pretty adorable. They make all sorts of comments and sound effects. They correctly give horrified gasps when the villains pop up and happy squeals when the heroine and her prince are united.

They also ask cute questions. Like why I (Belle) didn’t marry Gaston and how did I (Ariel) feel about Ursula the Sea Witch stealing voice? I enjoy it because it lets me really get into character, which in turn makes the experience real for the girls. Like when they point out Chip, the talking tea cup from Beauty and the Beast, I get to recall what it was like to take a sip from a enchanted tea cup and say things like, “Can you imagine! A talking tea cup! I was startled when he giggled the first time I took a sip. It must tickle to be sipped don’t you think?” They laugh and I love it!

They also ask me about the other princesses. I feel like I’m gossiping when I talk about them. Cause you know, Belle is obviously all up in Snow White’s business so she knows whether or not the dwarfs live in the castle with her or not and if Cinderella still talks to her evil step-sisters. And I heard that Ariel and Prince Eric are in marriage counseling and Aladdin and Jasmine got their flying carpet reprocessed last week. Ok so maybe I don’t go that far but it still feels like gossip!

Not that I condone gossip, but it’s not like Sleeping Beauty is ever going to find out what Cinderella said about her. And talking about the characters instead of trying to read the story is more fun anyway. Plus, as many of them drone, they already KNOW the story…

Princes? P-shaw. Pirates? double P-shaw!

So apparently these little girls don’t care too much for the princes. At the first party, I was Ariel and I referred to Prince Eric a few times. Finally one of the girls asked who he was. When I responded that he was my husband, she made a face like she had eaten a whole lemon.

At the second party, one of the girls asked where I lived. I told her I lived in Disney World with Prince Eric (left out the word “husband”. The word is too..real. Takes away from the magic I think. Decided to just call him, “My Prince”). She too made a face and asked, “Why are the princes in Disney World?”. Her tone indicated that she thought the Princes were unnecessary.

That little girl was trouble. There is one at nearly every party. The Skeptic. She’s getting a little too old and a little too smart to believe in princesses. She asked all sorts of conniving questions, trying to oust me I guess. Finally she asked the inevitable, “how did you get to the party?” question. I’d encountered the question before, and knew how NOT to respond. This time I siad I rode in a carriage. That skeptical look appeared again and she declared (in a rather threatening tone I thought) that she was going to watch me leave. She actually told me this several times throughout the party. I had to get the parents to announce present time so I could sneak to my car without an audience. Guess I still don’t have a good answer for that question.

Both parties today were a lot of fun but the first one had a twist. The girls and I were having a peaceful story time in the living room on the first floor. Halfway through the story, someone sounded the alarm that a pirate flag had been spotted on the banner above us and an attack was eminent. The second floor hallway was like a balcony that over looked the living room, and up there was older brother, dressed in black and sporting red power ranger facepaint, tying a pirate flag to the railing. Immediately (and almost instinctively) the girls sprung into action! And the funniest sight I’ve ever seen at these parties followed: a swarm of tiny princesses, dressed in their princessy finest, scrambled up the spiral staircase and into battle! After a few moments of squealing and shouting, they filed triumphantly down the stairs to hear the rest of the story (the power ranger pirate retreated to his room and closed the door).

So I guess what I learned from these two parties is that even at age 5, these girls were as independent and confident as any modern woman. They don’t need no prince and they can thwart a pirate all by themselves! It gives me much hope for the women of the future. You go girls!

Staying in Character

Now that I’ve been to several parties as various princesses, I’m able to etch out certain patterns and observations.

For example, the way parents and adults interact with me is vastly different from the way their children do. The children have no problem accepting that this flesh and blood person with regular blond (not yellow!) hair and a different voice is so obviously their cartoon friend Cinderella (I’ve decided that %75 is the dress, %5 is the wig and %20 is just the fact that everyone is calling me Cinderella).They address me by the appropriate name and ask questions regarding my story and my life as a princess.

Many of the adults, however, seem to have lost the ability to play along. They are of course aware that I am probably just some college student in a pretty dress trying to earn some money on the side to pay for books or something (correct!). They ask me what my real name is and ask questions regarding my school and other jobs. They get confused when I say my name is Snow White, I don’t go to school and my job is to be a Princess, teehee!.

I remember a conversation at the first party I had where I was Ariel from the Little Mermaid. I was talking with a little girl about her family. We were discussing her brothers and sisters, and I mentioned that I had 7 sisters (in the movie, Ariel does. They’re all mermaids and all have ridiculous “A” names…). The girl nodded knowingly but the mother was shocked. Her mouth was agape and she said things like “SEVEN sisters?! Wow! That must have been tough growing up!”. I gave her a stern look and shook my head, trying to say (telepathically), “Of course not you silly woman. This is called being in character! It’s sort of the foundation of my job.”

Now, there have been times when I slipped out of character inadvertently. For instance, when my southern upbringing comes out and Sleeping Beauty asks, “Do y’all want me to tell you a story?” Tsk tsk. So far, Tiana is the only princess allowed to say “y’all”.

That same party, I was tipped (an excellent practice I might add) but my bag was still at the make up table outside. Trying to be covert, I unceremoniously stuffed the cash into my bra when no one was looking. Of course, the mother turned around just in time to catch Princess Aurora with her hand down the front of her own dress. Thank goodness she thought it was funny! (Because it was).

In the end, the party is about the kids, not bonding with the parents. So while I may get weird looks when I answer their small talk as if I were royalty, it’s what the kids want to hear. It’s my job to keep that magic and fantasy alive for them. Letting it spill that my name is not really Belle and I live in a one bedroom apartment 15 minutes away is not the way to dispel a little girls belief in something so beautiful and simple as a Disney Princess.

It's an Epidemic

Did 3 parties in a row today. At the 2nd party (as Ariel), I met a little girl who was also at the 1st party (which had featured both Snow White and Sleeping Beauty).
Naturally, I acted excited that she was able to meet my princess friends, but I couldn’t help wondering if it had given her the impression that princesses just run rampant in this town…

Beware of the Evil Blue Icing

Ok I learned 3 things from the parties today:

1) 20 minutes is not enough turnaround time to go from Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) to Cinderella without forgetting a vital part of Cinderella’s costume.
2) A 5-year-old girl WILL notice if Cinderella is not wearing gloves.
3) A princess is not immune to colored icing teeth.

Guess It's Time For Botox

Had a little girl point out that I (Cinderella) am “beautifuler” in the cartoon picture on her book.

Told her it was taken a long time ago. She accepted that excuse by saying, “Oh, so you were a lot younger then.”

They sure catch on quick…

Ariel's Magic Nissan

On April 23, 2010, it became official; I was a Princess.
As the first party loomed on the horizon, I spent a lot of time fantasizing how glamorous it would be. I imagined being dressed in the prettiest dress (either Belle’s or Snow White’s in my opinion), my hair (wig) shiny and perfect. I pictured walking gracefully into a lavishly decorated room. I smiled at the thought of a dozen little girls squealing and screaming and running to give me big bear hugs, looks of pure admiration in their eyes. I would be making a little girl’s biggest dream come true! Needless to say I was excited.

The day of the first party arrived. This was actually the first party the budding business had ever had, so of course no pressure. Also, no precedent, so I didn’t have the foggiest idea what to expect. I was to portray Ariel, the plucky little fish-girl from the Little Mermaid. This of course, meant my vision of arriving in the most beautiful gown of ball was dashed. Ariel’s “dress” is atrocious! It’s made of a bizarre sticky vinyl-type fabric with funky blue lace mess coming off at the hips and the bottom. Their purpose, and I can only speculate, is to create the illusion of fins. Then there is the “shell-bra”. This thing is just….no. No. Not a shell nor a bra, this thing is attached to the weird vinyl nonsense and is made of even weirder stiff and puffy nonsense. Plus the whole thing is 5 sizes to big so I’m more or less swimming in it. Which I suppose is fitting since I am portraying a mermaid… It can’t really be helped though. Disney doesn’t exactly make the best Ariel get-ups. I have it on good authority that the owner of the business is actively searching for a better option.
The wig wasn’t as shiny as I had hoped, but it was long and red. Having short brown hair myself, it was fun to be a spunky red head for awhile.

Disney’s terrible rendering of an Ariel dress aside, the party itself was an adventure. The party wasn’t too far away, but not too far away can feel like far far away when your car has no AC and you’re wearing a sticky vinyl fin-dress. I get their hot and sweaty and park like I have no depth perception (as usual) right in front of the house.

Then I was spotted. Any grumpiness or misapprehensions I had gotten from wearing that dress and driving that car, dissolved when I saw this tiny little girl, dressed very similarly to me, clasping her hands and jumping up and down behind her screen door.

The party was going ok until two of the little girls became inquisitive. I was preoccupied doing princess make overs when the duo ambled up to me and started asking questions. My improv training was years ago so I’m a little rusty when thinking on my feet.

Excited to get their most pressing questions answered by Ariel, they asked me if I drove there. Caught offguard, I hesitantly said yes. This seemed to fuel their excited and they asked what color my car was.

“Silver.” I replied automatically. Immediately the girls squealed and shrieked, “Let’s go see Ariel’s silver car!!” and before I could protest, off they scurried to the window to get a glimpse of the Little Mermaid’s unwashed 2002 Nissan Sentra with expired tags, peeling Wake Tech sticker and huge crack across the windshield.

Stuck at my post, I couldn’t see their faces when the fantastically magical world of mermaids, princesses and glittering pumpkin carriages collided so brazenly with the boring normality of my dirty 4 door sedan.

Next time, will have to make up something up about an invisible horse drawn carriage.

Talking with them in like sword fighting. I’ve got to react fast and smart and be prepared to parry any bizarre question their little minds can fathom. Or perhaps I should just sit down and cram princess facts right before every party…

The Beginning -- How I Came to be a Princess

Once upon a time there was a young lady named Kitty. She lived in a sweaty Southern city and worked sales at a scented lotion store. All day long she spoke with customers about the new skin soothing summer sprays and the soft sensation of the shea-infused socks. Yet even as she shared the secrets of the skin-rejuvenating serums, she longed for something more magical in her soporific salesperson world.

Then one day as she was combing Craigslist for a change in career, she came across a call for princesses. Curious, she quickly created a current resume and sent it off. After some corresponding with the owner, they came to the conclusion that Kitty was a capital choice for a princess and consequently she got the job.

Yet, unknown to the happy pair, employer and employee, an evil villain was about to enclose them in a veil of everlasting annoyance. The evil villain took the form of the entirely too enormous dress. Hours upon hours were spent trying to vanquish this evil eminence until at last an answer appeared. With a few hooks and a little ribbon, a solution was rendered! Peace and happiness spread throughout the land.

So now with proper fitting princess dresses and plenty of puffy petticoats, the lowly little salesgirl was now prepared for her journey into the pretty world of princess parties. And though this posting has come to an end, Miss Kitty’s story has just begun…

The Birth of Yet Another Blog

I’ve decided to start a blog to document my experiences as a Disney Princess at birthday parties. People seem to get a kick out of the stories I come home with after spending an hour or so with a gaggle of giggly princess-obsessed girls, so I figured I’d share the wealth with the whole world! You may find it interesting, you my not. Either way, it won’t affect whether or not I remember to update this as often as I should…
Enjoy!